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Dating can be completely frustrating to begin with, but it's even harder when you don't know what you're looking for.Worse is when you have the slightest idea of what you want, but you feel too guilty asking for it.If you or your [partner] has to 'change' your core being in order to make a relationship 'work,' you're probably with the wrong person! Most people want to be loved and appreciated for who they are.
"When you think about how you want to feel with your date/partner, your attention moves to: What [are they] saying? Once you have done that, ask yourself: what are the things that I do to accomplish this feeling?
What kind of person would I want to attract that would generate this feeling within me?
“Take a personality assessment test: Myers-Briggs can be a great place to start,” therapist Alisha Powell, Ph D, LCSW, tells Bustle. Look for someone with similar values and interests."As Dating Examiner Kevin Darné says, values are tied to someone's core being — so they're incredibly important to pay attention to when you're dating someone.
“Once you’ve learned your type, read up about other personality types that are complementary to yours and why."Several experts say that identifying your values — the core things that are most important to you — is the perfect place to start figuring out what you need in a relationship.“The first step to finding a good match in a partner is to think about your values and interests," mental health writer and expert Emily Mendez M. "The goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things,” Darné tells Bustle. There is no amount of work or communication that can overcome being with someone who simply does not want what you want.
“Recognize what’s important to you — whether it’s your religious beliefs and your relationship with parents or your career-driven attitude — and look for those same qualities in your significant other.
When you are meeting people, see if they value the same things that you do." want in a partner?
In a recent Bustle survey, almost 20 percent of participants who said they're single and dating said their biggest dating goal is to figure out exactly what it is they're looking for in a partner — but that's often easier said than done.
And, if you're naturally not assertive, it's difficult to suddenly start demanding your needs overnight.
Over time, your journal will become a fascinating blueprint that may reveal exactly what you're looking for.”Self-care coach Carley Schweet says journaling also comes in handy when figuring out your values and dealbreakers.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating